Why We Hate The Process

By January 5, 2017Uncategorized

Are you frustrated, sad, lost and disappointed about something that a month or even a week ago you thought was the greatest thing in the world?

I can, without a shadow of a doubt tell you, that I am constantly in that boat.

I am being vulnerable here, but come on: this is life and not everything is fireworks and unicorns all the time…

Let me give you a real-life example:

Have you ever bought a program to lose weight or hired a trainer to “set you straight” and keep you “on track?”

Now, both of those things are a VERY GOOD to do, but I want to be honest with you about how this is all going to go down in your head

I am going to preface his by saying: Don’t worry; this is normal, expected and actually beneficial for you in the long run.

I am going to call it the Emotional Learning Curve.

This is not my theory by the way. This is something that was recently taught to me by a brilliant, high-level business owner and developer; In relation to managing emotional expectations in business and practicing effective situational leadership.

Stage 1: Complete Blind Excitement (CBE)

You hired your first trainer, or you bought your first coaching program and you are downright convinced that this WILL change your life.

Common feelings here are:
• Enthusiasm
• Anticipation
• Hope
• Eagerness

These are amazing feelings to have because you think, “Oh my gosh, this is it!”
You think, “This is the key to solving all my problems.”

This is often referred to as the, “Honeymoon Period.”

At this point you are not truly thinking about the process, only the result…

Complete Blind Excitement is what drives us as humans to strive to be better, to reach for goals, and to have hopes. CBE can last anywhere from 1 day to 1 week to even 1 month depending on your expectations.

Then something shifts…

You begin to implement the plan that your trainer gives you… You slowly realize that you committed to waking up an hour earlier everyday… That you shouldn’t eat that last piece of pizza…

You realize that there is a process, not simply a result.

Stage 2: Crisis of Engagement (COE)

You are in the thick of it now… morning workouts, sticking to the plan, not having that beer on a Monday night after a long awful day at work…

You start to wonder, “Why did I even start this damn thing?” or “Why did I even hire that trainer?”

Common feelings here are:
• Doubt
• Uncertainty
• Hesitation

This is often where you begin to feel like you “bit off more than you can chew.”

You start to reflect on all the reasons why you started this…

Then bitterness takes hold.

Stage 3: Crisis Of Meaning (COM)

This is the deepest and darkest part of your journey.

This will be where you not only question yourself, but the person you have hired or the program that you “thought” was going to help you.

Common feelings here are:
• Anger
• Frustration
• Resentment
• Blame
• Being Lost

This is where the most introspection happens.

Internally you feel as if you have been “mislead.” You hate where you are and in your mind there is no way to fix what has happened.

You are completely and utterly lost.

But this introspection is where the most growth happens.

This is where you have learned the most, but are struggling to see results. This is where you have made massive leaps in your knowledge, but you have a hard time finding ways to apply it effectively.

In the COM stage, you have 2 options:

Quit or Move

If you quit you will have a period of defeat and transition onto the next shiny object that you believe will be the “key.”

You jump around from person to person, program to program, but you will never truly attain success with any of them. In fact you will grow a bitter edge about you that blames other, that thinks, “Nothing will ever work for me.”

If you quit here you are not only doing yourself an immediate disservice, but the long-term ramifications of your decision will have a domino effect in other aspects of your life.

If you move… well you will overcome the greatest internal force we as humans foster.

Self-Doubt.

If you move, if you push forward, if you keep going… This is where true invaluable growth happens.

This is where you go from Crisis Of Meaning to…

Stage 4: Acceptance of Process (AOP)

The last several weeks or even months were horrible. You felt defeated, you felt worthless, you felt lost and then… something shifted.

You finally saw results.

Now I am not talking massive change, I am talking something small but tangible.

You lost a few pounds; you can start to see gains in the gym; you feel like all of the hard work you put in is actually coming to fruition.

Although you are not seeing leaps and bounds of success you suddenly have a feeling of inspired motivation. A feeling that you yearned for just a few weeks ago has now come to fill your mind and body with a renewed sense of purpose.

Common feelings here are:
• Understanding
• Relief
• Slight Clarity

AOP is the stage where you finally feel like you are going in the right direction and so you feel the need to forge ahead to push harder than you ever have before. You feel this because realize that what you blindly thought was going to happen in the beginning might just be possible….

Stage 4: Validation

YES!

You are now feeling like a rock star, but not the way you thought you would feel with Complete Blind Excitement.

Something is different about this feeling. Something has shifted in your mindset.

You feel like you have matured sense of understanding.

You finally realize that although you have had success you crave so much more to learn and grow.

Common feelings here are:
• Appreciation
• Calmness
• Clarity in process

Validation is where you feel that you are on the right path, but also understand and acceptance that you have so much more to learn.

True mentors are born here because one can look at the process of where they started and they stand now.

They can spot others who are struggling with the same issues and help guide them through the slippery slope of self-doubt.

This is the stage where you can truly impact others….

I want you to think about what stage you are in your life, whether it be health, business or even your personal life.

Are you in form of Crisis of Meaning?

You might not want to admit it, but step back and really look at your life objectively.

I, myself, fluctuate through these stages, and I know that life in all aspects is a process of:

Excitement
Doubt
Defeat
Growth
Purpose

I tell you these things to because you will face dark time, times of anxiety and times stress…

However: We are all human and we all flow through the stages of life. Sometimes we all need a reminder that there is light at the end of the tunnel, but you just may need someone to take your blind-fold off to see it…

Join the discussion 3 Comments

  • Jennifer says:

    This is such a beautifully simple yet profound article. I’m really glad I read it. I bought this program because I watched and read everything before I took the leap, and liked the idea and science b hind the workout. Then I began to look at everything you had to offer and read the articles. This applies to so many things in my personal life, and now I see more blearily where I need to make the shift. I need to keep on pressing through to what I perceive as a difficult moment, and let go of the outcome. It’s everything that may fall into place that I never expected. I have only once bought an online program, and I don’t need to lose a lot of weight, just wanted to get in the best shape as I get older. I needed that little something extra that I could do on my own. So far, day one I’m excited to start. I’m determined to see it through….

  • meredith shirk says:

    You bet!
    We here for you 100%!

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